Weekend Hopes

So we are still waiting but also wondering if things may start to happen soon. I have been having some contractions which make us wonder if it might happen sooner than later. So again we will keep this site updated and as soon as we know we will let you all know. It is very strange from going from not wanting to go into labor to being very ready. Thank you again for all of your prayers and e-mails.

Anna

First of all, we are still waiting, no baby news yet. :)

On a deeper note: A year and a half ago I meet an amazing woman named Kate. We meet for the reason that no one every wants to meet someone; the death of a child. There are only a few reasons why I am where I am today in this grief journey and Kate is high on that list. Sadly there is comfort is being with another mother who has lost. One never wishes anyone to travel the journey of losing a child, but Kate has taken her grief and done amazing things with it. So today the Berry family honors the life of Anna who at this moment is leading our boys through the beautiful fields of Heaven and showing them the way. Anna is as much a part of our hearts as Jacob and Caden and we thank the Kelty's for sharing their ability to recover from loss so we can recover too. Anna we love you and can't wait to meet you someday.

Broken Places

Some of you may note the time on this post: 12:22 a.m. Yes a.m. I would love to say the sleepless nights are long past for me. It seems that they just have become fewer and far between. So long, dark and quiet nights bring me to reflect and as stated before in the quiet is where I learn the most.

The last few days have been ones of reflection and grief again. For those that have lost a child realize the grief never fully goes away. One cannot go back to normal or try to live the way it was before. A new normal must be formed and defined. As I have been defining my new normal I often look to others for help. So as I was searching the other day for words of inspiration I stumbled upon some beautiful words. I was hopelessly cleaning out my "hope" chest, ha no pun intended, when I found this small, crumpled up piece of paper with writing on it. No memory could define where, when or how I had come to write on this small piece of paper but after studying it for a time it was obviously meant for me. Below are words I must have found in a book and they obviously touched me enough to write it down. I share it with you now and you can take what you want or need from it.

To become strong in the broken places in our lives demands that
we do two things, 'hang in there' and 'let go.' To somehow dig
up the courage to keep going is the very courage that allows us
to scoop up the broken pieces of our lives and lay them all at the
feet of One who would do more in us than just get us through the
storm.
As James Means said, HE would take the fire that blackens our
horizons and warm our souls with it. HE would sharpen our vision
in the darkness that oppresses us. HE would use the despair of
standing at a grave to deepen our trust.
This we cannot do for ourselves. Perhaps because our brokenness
brings us to the end of ourselves, it is here, in these jars of clay that
we offer ourselves up, and God's all surpassing power is made known
and HE indeed makes us strong in our broken places.

Thinking of the broken places . . .

Still here . . . still waiting . . .

Just another update to say we are still waiting. The more days the better but I must say we are getting very anxious to meet this baby. We will keep you posted.

Waiting . . .

Just wanted to post an update saying I am still at home waiting for the arrival of this baby. I guess he/she is just not ready. I have not been cleared to go back to work so I spend much of my time recovering and organizing. Hopefully we will be posting photos soon!

A Cute Story

This was so cute I had to share it with all of you who follow this blog.

My friend Sherri lives in Canada and they came to visit me a couple of weeks ago. This is a conversation she had with her son while she was reading my blog one day.

Nathan: "Who's baby is that turning on there?
Sherri: "Alicia's. Do you think she will have a boy or girl."
Nathan: "A Boy! And his name will be Kai!"

So there is one person's prediction! :)


He also keeps talking about how Alicia has to lie on the couch so her baby doesn't come out.
And he keeps talking about how Alicia's mom called him MARVIN!!! He always says Marvin really loud and with a huge smile on his face.

This made me smile and I had to share it with all. I am happy to share with Nathan that I no longer have to lie on the couch so my baby doesn't come out. I am now considered a completely normal 36 week pregnant woman. We have been counting some irregular contractions today but nothing too dramatic. We will keep you all updated!

Officially Nesting

Still here, no baby news yet. However, many of you would be proud of my mini projects that I have been tackling. I have now officially organized every closet we own even going as far as washing every button down shirt Paul owns, ironed it and organized it by color. I do believe I have found the real meaning of the word "nesting"? It is amazing to be a more normal pregnant woman. I think most woman would be very tired by the 36 week but I have been renewed with energy at the mere mention of cleaning the house.

Friday

Everything went well again today at my weekly doctor's appointment. At this point in time I have been given pretty much all of my freedoms back. Don't worry I won't get too extreme and start doing jumping jacks. I still have to take it very slow as my legs and muscles are still adjusting to movement. In a week, I already am beginning to feel a little stronger. Now I just need to not overdue it. It is amazing that we are at this point and feel very blessed to be here. We will continue to keep you posted on anything new.

Target

What would this world be like without Target? I love going there and today Paul took me for the first time in a long time. I took one lap around the store, went to lunch and then promptly went back home where I collapsed and took a two hour nap. I guess that wore me out. :)

Just wanted to post something today as many of you comment that you get concerned if there are too many days between the posts. Still hanging in there and anticipating the next few weeks.

The Silence in the Shadow

So the last few days have been interesting. I now take time to sit on my couch and view the room around me. Instead of seeing the cracks on the ceiling or my empty beam now that Christmas is past, I see the magazines that line the floor or the dust that has built up on top of the table. This makes me smile as I realize it does not matter what position I am in, I will always find something to fixate on. Those who know me well, know how dangerous this can be. Slowly I have been finding my "land legs" as I make my way back into vertical world. It is strange to go from such strict bed rest to so many changes. I still have to take it easy and spend most of my time on this couch. However, the kitchen is now void of those pesky daily crumbs and there is a load of laundry cleanly retiring by my feet as I write. It is these small things that make my day go by faster and I anticipate life beyond the confines of couch sitting and "being careful." I have learned much from this time spent lying still and have realized in the stillness is where I have learned the most. As happy as I am to be up, I also realize that I will never again have the time I have had to reflect and drink deeply from the quiet. There is a song you can now find on this blog that is called "I Believe in Love". The chorus says "I believe in the sun even when it is not shinning, I believe in love even when I don't feel it and I believe in God even when he is SILENT." The song was inspired by the very quote you find in the chorus. It was etched into the wall of a concentration camp by a man who spent the remainder of his days in a dark stone room. I don't know about you but when I am in my darkest times, I am not usually praising God. I continue to take from this song and begin to find what it means for life as well as ponder what it means to have your character formed in the valley instead of the mountain top.