A "Season of Firsts"

Two years ago we embarked on what I liked to call the "Season of Firsts". This so called season was defined by sorrow and "what might have beens". For some, holidays are characterized by painful reminders of what or whom has been lost. It is darkness. It is grief. It is loss.


This year we find ourselves in a much different "Season of Firsts". This year we laugh at Audra's current new sound, which much to my dismay, is da da. In fascination we see our old, everyday world, through her eyes and it becomes new. We live for each daily moment with her and cherish where we are this year. So many times I catch my breath when I think of where I was last year at this time. For this, we are thankful.



It is difficult to wade through the ins and outs of a grief tide. At this time of year, we pause and remember those who are on their own painful "Season of Firsts". You are in our thoughts and our prayers. We will hope for you when you cannot.

Moving Beyond November

Sometimes when words fail me, a song finds it way to me and says what I long to say. The silence has become my friend for the last few months. It is November- what do I expect. November is hard. It is darkness. It is grief. It is death. I thought this year would be different, but it wasn't. I wish I could say we created some wonderful traditions to remember the boys. I wish even more I could give you a list of things we did to remember them that day. But I can't. I realized the pain is still too raw. So I leave with this song- when silence fills my soul and there are no words.

"Beauty Will Rise"- Steven Curtis Chapman-

It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed til my voice was gone
And watched through the tears as everything
came crashing down
Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
and sift through the ashes that are left
behind

But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
we have this hope:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning, beauty will rise

So take another breath for now,
and let the tears come washing down,
and if you can't believe I will believe
for you.

Cuz I have seen
the signs of spring!
Just watch and see:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning...

I can hear it in the distance
and it's not too far away.
It's the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast.
I can almost feel the hand of God
reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away, and say,
"It's time to make everything new."

"Make it all new"

This is our hope.
This is the promise.
This is our hope.
This is the promise.
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that's been made
out of the ashes...
out of the ashes...
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that's been made
out of the ashes...
out of the ashes...

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of this darkness... new life will shine
and we'll know the joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning...beauty will rise!