Oh Freedom

Today marks 34 weeks and one day!  A milestone that we thought we would never be near.  As of today I have some new freedoms that I am in desperate need of before I go insane.  I can begin to sit up more, go to the grocery store for one item not 100, and leave the house a couple times this week.  Woo-hoo.  With the passing of 34 weeks I can also deliver at our local hospital if the need arises.  No more UVA, no more magnesium drip, no more fear of early delivery.  It is a strange and bittersweet new freedom.  With this new freedom comes a strange feeling of melancholy.  In the past 10 and half weeks, I have been out of the house 10 times.  4 of those times consisted of visits to the hospital.  Weeks of functioning on anxiety, fear and imminent delivery is impossible to forget in one week.  To embrace the freedom and peace feels wrong.  To put into words the heavy burden of weeks of silence, waiting and anticipation seems impossible.  I am once again am in awe of this second journey of bed rest and the question of how and why is only added to the list of someday questions.  For now, I embrace this new found freedom with both arms and continue to find shelter in the grace we have been given once again.  May you be covered with grace this Christmas season.